Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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