Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
