I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
