She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
