Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize