Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
