my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
