you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize