Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
