He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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