she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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