just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
