So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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