just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
