stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
