Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
