It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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