I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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