Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
