yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
