Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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