Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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