how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
