WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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