you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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