she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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