i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
