I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize