drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
