but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
