I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
