some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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