Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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