tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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