True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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