Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
