Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
