also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
