You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
