Where did you get a picture of my penis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
