cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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