Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
