Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
