Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
