I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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