I can text with my tongue
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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