wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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