he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
