my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
