I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i believe in u and ur pee
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
