I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
