her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
