Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
