Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
