I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
