Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
