I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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