He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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