Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
