i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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