What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
