How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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