He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My vagina just clenched in fear
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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