i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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