just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
