We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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