Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This baby is an asshole
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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