Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
