went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
