I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
