Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
