my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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