you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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