My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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