Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
