There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
