i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
