We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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