you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
