You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
