he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
